


Nothing without Them

by AzuraJae



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Portal Jacked! Spoilers, leo centric, this episode made me feel really bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 10:51:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20505758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzuraJae/pseuds/AzuraJae
Summary: Fortunately, his life so far had been framed with fun and shenanigans, laughing the days away with his family and the few friends he had. There was nothing to Leo that could take their simple fun days away, not even the daunting task of stopping the Shredder, an evil being that even scared his father. Not to worry, as long as he had his brothers, everything was going to be fine, right?





	Nothing without Them

**Author's Note:**

> I keep thinking about those angsty lines Leo sometimes makes about being useless. I just typed up this little ficlet as a sort of study. I really feel sorry for the guy.
> 
> I'm still awaiting new episodes, I hope they come out soon...

There was a certain type of fear that Leonardo, son of Splinter, truly feared. A paralyzing loneliness and longing that gripped his very soul, that encased his entire being with a sense of dread. 

Leo liked to pretend that he prided himself a lot. It made him feel better. He knew truly what he was worth, but acting larger than he was flooded his emotional sores and made the day to day activites way more bearable, like cooling a burn under some cold water. 

When Leo had realized what he had done, that his brothers had not come out of the portal with him, did Leo feel some sort of fear he thought he would never have to deal with trickle into his heart. 

It was that he was alone. And alone, he was nothing.

His brothers, Raph, Donnie, and Mikey, they were  _ everything  _ to him. He loved them to the ends of the Earth and while the opportunity has thankfully not presented itself, Leo felt that if  _ something  _ happened to his brothers, murder would definitely be an option. Fortunately, his life so far had been framed with fun and shenanigans, laughing the days away with his family and the few friends he had. There was nothing to Leo that could take their simple fun days away, not even the daunting task of stopping the Shredder, an evil being that even scared his father. Not to worry, as long as he had his brothers, everything was going to be fine, right?

So when Leo finally realized the weight of the situation, Leo felt some sort of strange desperation. The gripping loneliness he so feared seemed to turn his feet into lead, squeezing his heart hard. If not for Senor Hueso being so close by, Leo felt that he would have not gotten up so quickly. Leo didn’t really realize it, but he had clung close to the closest adult figure near him. 

Now that he wasn’t alone, Leo felt much better. Leo had always believed that he never really had that much to offer compared to his brothers. They were honestly so amazing, but Leo wouldn’t tell them that unprovoked, but he was definitely proud of all their achievements. Leo felt like he paled in comparison to all their talents. It was a thought that hurt him, but at the same time made him happy. 

His family gave him purpose. And that was enough.

“I will  _ not  _ be fine!” Leo felt himself waver as he watched the man he thought would help him attempt to leave. “There’s no team with just a face man!”

Leo didn’t want to be alone.

Trying to hide the shakiness, worry, and fear he felt, Leo tried to recount his brother’s talents, hoping that would  _ somehow  _ change Hueso’s mind. He didn’t want to be alone. Leo had to try. For his brothers. For without them, he was...

“I need my brainy guy,” Leo started. Donnie always knew what to do. Knowing he was around made Leo feel assured. Donnie could figure out  _ anything. _

”I need my smashy guy,” added Leo. With Raph around, Leo always felt safe, someone to watch his back. Raph could overcome  _ anything _ .

“I need my ‘eats peanut butter with fingers’ guy,” explained Leo. Mikey’s antics always knew how to make Leo smile, a light in the darkness. Mikey’s smile would always make him feel like they can do  _ anything _ . 

Leo felt his eyes water as he looked down to his hands, feeling the crushing loneliness begin to set it once more. So chilling, so lonely. The turtle had never felt so vulnerable and weak in his entire life.

“I’m nothing without them…” 

Leo wasn’t sure he really meant to say those words, but they just...slipped out. His innermost thoughts, something he didn’t even really let his brothers or father hear. Just his own quiet dark thoughts that keep him awake at night.

He didn’t want to be alone. But, it seemed that he was.

When he bid the skeleton yokai farewell, his mind wandered about the future. Would he be able to find them, his brothers? Are they okay? What would Master Splinter say? Will...he be alone forever..?

But thankfully Hueso had had a change of heart. When Leo found out about his situation, Leo felt a  _ little  _ better about their situation. Though he still had a heavy feeling in his heart, but having an ally on his side made him feel a lot more grounded.

It was the greatest relief when Leo found his brothers again, more so that they were alive and okay, even enjoying themselves (maybe a little too much). Leo wanted to cry in relief, but instead he felt assured and he kept the tears hidden away. All that matters is that they were okay. The moment he saw their faces, however annoyed they really were at him, it just erased any dark feelings he had...almost anyways.

As the brothers were walking home, they were talking about their time in Tahiti.Their anger at him for transporting them so far away was long gone.

“You know, Tahiti is not a bad place to have a vacation sometime.” Donnie said, looking to Leo. 

Raph nodded. “They have the most delicious coconut treats.” Raph frowned. “I wish I brought some.”

Mikey pounced on Leo’s shell, clinging onto his older brother as they finally made it to their lair in the sewers, just as it was getting dark. Leo staggered from the weight and took a few steps to compensate for the extra passenger. 

“Leo, when you get better at your portal thing, we should all go there. With dad and April, it’ll be lots of fun!” He said cheerfully.

“Yeah.” Leo replied simply, drawing a small smile which twisted into an uncertain one. He avoided Mikey’s gaze and looked to the side. As much fun that was, Leo wasn’t sure if he was ever going to… 

His brothers gave him a strange look as they made it to their living room. Leo felt their pressing questionable stares without even looking at them. He stretched and yawned, prompting Mikey to hop off his back and onto the ground again. Leo glanced over at his brothers, who each had their own expressions.

“Leo?” Mikey asked tentatively, reaching out to touch him on the shoulder. As soon as he did, Leo stretched again, shrugging off his hand.

“Well, I’ve done enough running around and looking for you today.” Leo yawned, maybe a bit to forcefully. It wasn’t completely a lie, he was very tired. “I’m totally bushed. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” 

He waved them a little good night and walked at a brisk pace to his room, making sure to close the door behind him. For a moment, he just stared into the darkness of his room, his eyes adjusting to the darkness and the little details of the all too familiar bedroom. 

Then Leo felt himself collapse against the door, crouching down and he furiously rubbed his eyes with the back of his gauntlet. He was mad at himself, for almost losing his brothers, his family, the only one in the world who could really understand him. 

Leo would have never forgiven himself if he had been the cause of their demise. He can’t let them down again, he can’t, he won’t. He gritted his teeth tightly and fought the urge to yell at himself, but then he sighed and relaxed himself, bringing up his empty hands in front of him, barely visible in the dark room.

“I really am nothing without them, huh?” he said to himself as he softly smiled, finally dropping his hands and hanging his head.

Then he suddenly stood up and took a deep breath, smacking his face, and continued to get ready for bed.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope that when Leo finally becomes leader, that he finally understands that he is not nothing, that he is something. And all the bros give him a hug.


End file.
